Resources for Loved Ones

Recovery Tools

“The worst thing you can do for your loved one caught in alcoholism or addiction is to help the person continue in the deception that he or she is OK. Your best course of action is to speak the truth in love and don’t allow him or her to escape the consequences of wrong behavior. ”

Neil T. Anderson

One of the most difficult roles we play in our life journey is that of loving someone who is struggling with addiction and dependency. We are usually aware there is a problem long before our loved ones are aware or acknowledge that they do. My husband was frantic and desperate to find help for me and did not know where to begin. It was a horribly devastating position to be in, but you do not have to go there alone!

Remember, there is no room for shame or guilt here. Everyone is here for the same reason, and as always, they are 100% anonymous and private. Recovery is out there.

Always, my hopes are for your hopes and dreams.

Addressing A Loved One's Addiction or Alcoholism

Your Choices When a Loved One Has a Substance Use Disorder

Witnessing a loved one’s descent into their disease of addiction or alcohloism is heart wrenching.  

Educate Yourself!

Understand what addiction or alcoholism is-a brain disease that has many root causes, including genetics, mental health, social and economic factors and combinations of these and more.

Understand That You Are Not Alone

When addiction and alcoholism effects a loved one, it effects us.  It feels as if the weight of the world is on ourshoulders. We are afraid, ashamed, amgry, helpless.  We blame ourselves, others, anything and everything, and we feel responsible for our loved one’s actions.  Below are links and information of resources in your community and on line to support you.  These are completely confidenctial, and filled with family members and friends just like you.

Discuss the Elephant in the Living Room

Talking about substance use with a loved one can be uncomfortable. Preparing yourself ahead of time with knowledge about the disease of addiction or alcoholism, and understanding that you are not alone are the first steps. Here are some tips when you prepare for the conversation:

  • Practice what you want to say 
  • Stay focused on the substance use — not blame or shame or guilt
  • Use the supports you have gained through understanding you are not alone
  • Be supportive-if you use drugs or alcohol also, stop!  You can’t ask someone to do what you won’t do. 

Stop the Co-Dependency

Are you co-dependent?  Most of us are!  Our lives changed to accommodate the behaviors of the addictive behavior of our loved ones.  Learn more about this and heal yourself also.  Learn what enabling means, and practice good self-care.

Let The Crisis Meet It's Consequences

When you love and addict or an alcoholic, it is very difficult to sit back a let the crisis play out to its consequences. When someone you love reaches the point in their substance use when they get a DUI, lose their job, or get thrown in jail, it can be a difficult concept to accept that the best thing you can do in the situation is to do nothing.

Letting the crisis play itself through may feel counter-productive, but if you ‘save’ the person, the cycle will repeat…indefinitely. Learning to detach yourself (with love) will help you allow a crisis—one that may be the only way to create change—to happen.

Thinking About An Intervention?

We’re all familiar with the shows about interventions, and you may even have family members or friends who suggest they can help you conduct one- Read this first!

An intervention should  be performed by a trained and experienced interventionist-pre-arranged facilities for detox must be arranged, back up plans and alternative resources must be tapped.  In addition, a professional interventionist may offer family counseling, after-intervention services, and follow-up.

A professional intervention can be expensive, but done by a skilled interventionist, can be lifesaving.

Al-Anon Family Groups

In Al-Anon and Alateen, members share their own experience, strength, and hope with each other. You will meet others who share your feelings and frustrations, if not your exact situation. We come together to learn a better way of life, to find happiness whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not. Super, tried and true supports.

Clink on the image to enter the website for Al-Anon  ⇒

Al Anon

Nar-Anon Family Groups

Similar to Al-Anon, most Nar-Anon weekly or monthly meetings take place in community spaces like churches, organizations’ halls, or rented rooms in office buildings. To encourage open communication, a circle of chairs is traditionally the setup, as you may have seen in movies. Do not ever expect anything exclusive. It’s a free gathering that is welcoming to everyone.

Clink on the image to enter the website for Nar-Anon  ⇒

Nar Anon

ACA

Co-founder of ACA Tony A. defines: “Adult Child is someone who responds to adult situations with self-doubt, self-blame, and/or a sense of being wrong or inferior, all learned from stages of childhood.” The ACA program was founded on the belief that family dysfunction is a disease that infected us as children and affects us as adults. Our membership also includes adults from homes where alcohol or drugs were not present; however, abuse, neglect or unhealthy behavior was.

Clink on the image to enter the website for Adult Children of Alcoholics  ⇒

ACA Family Group

A NAMI Family Support Group

A NAMI Family Support Group is a support group for family members, significant others and friends of people with mental health conditions. Groups meet weekly, every other week or monthly, depending on location. Mental illness and alcohol or drug dependency are commonly co-occurring. This is an excellent resource for those diagnosed with comorbidity issues.

Clink on the image to enter the website for National Alliance for Mental Health  ⇒

NAMI Family Support Group

CoDA (Co-pendents Anonymous)

CoDA (Co-pendents Anonymous)  is anonymous and works of the same 12-step program. Meetings follow a similar structure: people sharing their experiences, either in turn or as they feel moved to, and similar rules are enforced (no cross-talking or passing comment). Meetings are free and open to anyone, with locations and times listed online.

Melody Beattie wrote the international bestselling book, Codependent No More, and introduced the world to the term “codependency” in 1986.  

Clink on the image to enter the website for CoDependents Anonymous  ⇒

Coda

Celebrate Recovery

Celebrate Recovery is a Christ-centered 12-step group, focused on using surrender to a higher power (Christ) as a means to rebuild your life. CR is popular with people struggling with a range of problems, behavioral disorders, and hang-ups, with some 2/3rd’s of participants struggling with something other than addiction. CR works to normalize substance use disorders as a normal behavior disorder, and no different from any other behavior disorder (such as overeating, compulsive gambling, etc.) Meetings can be found at a number of Christian churches and is not limited to denomination.

Clink on the image to enter the website for Celebrate Recovery  ⇒

Celebrate Recovery

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