Today I found out that a friend has relapsed and has returned to use.  My heart is so sad…

This one had a foundation in recovery, I thought.  Family and friend relationships had been repaired and new sober ones formed.  They’d went back to and finished college, had a good life going.  But it is baffling, this disease of addiction and alcoholism.  They have been given the tools of recovery.  They knew the risks of ‘one more time’, and they have already traveled the path of death of destruction.  The consequences are quite clear.  Yet still, they used.

Sometimes, people believe that their drug of choice which brought them into recovery is under control.  They will never use that drug again.  Instead, they are convinced by the shadows that this different thing, the alcohol, is OK and safe.  Goodness knows there is plenty of media supporting drinking blasted across the airwaves.  Non-recovering folks convince them that the past is the past, surely they can have only a beer, right?  Or maybe, they forgot how to live sober.  Maybe they needed an escape from the reality of the day.  Maybe they forgot…maybe they forgot that life sometimes hurts.  That being alive is sometimes hard. Maybe they forgot that they can call before they pick up and they will find love and hope on the other end of that phone.  Maybe they forgot to care about all that…

But I know they forgot the emptiness of living dead in life.  Part of me, my co-dependent part, was outraged at the resurfacing of this demon-I wanted to call them out, confront them; save them.  But it is no longer my battle; it never was.  I cannot teach them any more than what they all ready know.  There isn’t a magic or a prayer or a chant or an amulet that can change a persons will from what they do to what they should do.  We each have to travel our own path.

I won’t answer the late night drunk dials.  I can’t bail them out of jail.  I will pray for Grace and understanding.  I will stand with the still sober family member and help them keep their footings.   And I will wait on the other end of this run and love them from a distance.

Call–someone, anyone, before you pick up again.  Even if it takes all night, all day, all week, call.  We are many who care.

As always, my hopes are for your hopes and dreams….  T